Will you listen?

 

I was on an outreach recently with the School of World Evangelism in a town in South Wales. Part of the day involved conducting an open air service in the town square. Many of the students were fairly new to this, so before we commenced some time was spent going through how to complete questionnaires that are used on the streets. One major part of the advice given to everyone was simple and to the point: “Ask the question and then listen to the answer”.

That statement may seem quite obvious to you as you read this, but the art of being a good conversationalist is (actually) through being a good listener. It’s not just about being a good talker, but rather it’s about interaction. As a young sales person I was told that “Telling is not selling”, because it is possible for a sales person to talk themselves out of a sale by not allowing a customer to speak.

It can be the same with one to one evangelism. I have witnessed Christians on outreaches that are so desperate to win a soul for Christ that they literally talk the person to death. Then they are left wondering what on earth happened that caused them to lose the person. The art of one to one conversation is of course about talking, but it is about listening as well.

Jesus said this when He was referring to John the Baptist:

“He who has ears to hear, let him hear”! Matthew 11: 15

We can also apply the “Let him hear” part to when we witness and evangelise. It is so important that we explain the Gospel clearly and then ask questions about what we have said. Then, most importantly, we must listen to the answers we receive.

Key Point: Ask your question, wait and listen to the answer

I teach adults on a part time basis. One of the subjects that I cover is helping individuals who lack confidence. People can suffer with this for a wide range of reasons, such as stress, childhood problems, relationship breakdowns, trauma, illness, long term unemployment, situations of violent abuse and much more. In these classes a whole session is devoted to the subject of communication, particularly the art of listening. I go through techniques that can be used to improve listening skills, which in turn help to build rapport with people.

When someone realises that you are a good listener, they will warm to you very quickly. My wife Desiree is an expert at this; in no time at all complete strangers are telling her their darkest secrets! This happens because when they speak, she listens. The person can see she is listening because she nods, makes listening noises like “Hmm” and “Oh”. She also looks at them as they are speaking and then asks questions that demonstrate her interest in them.

The same goes for us as we witness for Christ. If you apply the three points below that relate to effective listening when you share Jesus, you will soon start to have better and more productive conversations.

Don’t be an interrupter: Have you ever had a conversation with a person who asks you a question but as you start to answer, they begin speaking again over what you are saying? It can be very frustrating talking to an “interrupter”. They want to be heard and perhaps are not really that interested in your answer anyway.

If you have this tendency, discipline yourself not to speak when you have asked a question. Bite your tongue or count to three if you have to. Make sure that you give the other person a chance to reply. Remember the best conversationalists are the people who REALLY listen!

Maintain good eye contact: Practice giving your listener your complete attention. If you are not looking into the eyes or face of the person who is speaking, you are much more likely to become distracted, and they will feel you are not really listening.

Don’t stare at the person like a boxer does aggressively before a fight. Just maintain relaxed eye contact.

Pay close attention to what is being said: Maintaining good eye contact helps keep focus on the conversation, preventing distraction. Perfecting this skill helps in ‘reading between the lines’, when feelings are often conveyed in a deeper way than the words which are spoken. It is a well known fact that 93% of communication is nonverbal - meaning that only 7% revolves around the actual words used.

This means listening for voice inflections and the speed of speech, as well as reading body language clues and facial expressions.

There may be occasions when you will need to ask questions to clarify a person’s feelings. Paraphrasing what you have heard back, for example by asking  ‘do you mean that….’ to discern a person’s true feelings demonstrates that you are listening and that you care.

You may have explained, for instance, this scripture:

 “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 6: 23

You could than ask, “What do you think of that”? or “Does that make sense to you”? or “How does understanding that make you feel”? Make sure you listen to their answer, then you will need to respond accordingly.

When you need to explain something in greater detail the person will listen to you more readily because they have realised you are a willing listener, by not interrupting them, in paying attention to their reply and maintaining healthy eye contact.

This works effectively when put into practice.